That's just the way it is *Que the music!*

Ever feel like you can't lay it all on the table? Ever been there? Talking along, or living life, or in some situation with alot going on inside but only so much showing? You wanna talk it out don't you? Let it all out in some greviously huge sigh and just shout out (figuratively) "THIS IS HOW IT IS!!!!" But you can't. It'd be damaging, it'd hurt, it'd ruin and maim "how it is". Irreverably all would change. Such is life and it sucks.

Sometimes I feel like that's my place in life. I try to live the mellow and even keel. I see all I can see, I think about and process (sometimes too much) "the way it is" all the time. Why? I dunno. Call it OCD. Call it the nice guy in me looking out for everything it can. Call it my failing even. Seeing too much of an open picture brings too much reality to the situation. Knowing how it can be and how it is almost always ends up a shitty comparison. Want it but you can't have it. Wish it but it's not the way it is. See disaster coming but being unable to change it's course. Almost makes you wish you could be numb to it eh?

But it's not all bad. I still enjoy the way I am and wouldn't change it for anything. I'll happily live with what I "know" or atleast think I know and have that be that. If I were more greedy then perhaps it'd be crushing. Or perhaps it'd always get all laid out and my lot in life would certainly be less then it is now. Either way it's all idle speculation. Without action my assumptions are just that. The way I do it, the safe route, for myself, for those I interact with, be they customers at work or friends and family. Laying it all out bald and open is sometimes too much. Keeping some back isn't deceitful, it's rewarding. You may not get all you wish, but you do get some of what you need, and in most of my needs, I am not lacking.

P.S. No this is not about a certain J n J situation. I had this blog started 3 days ago, but am not just finishing it. Enjoy :-)